How many of you ladies out there are single moms? How many of you have found a great guy that you can connect with but as soon as they find out you have children they stop calling and just become someone you once knew? I haven't ever experienced this myself, but I have several friends that have. I'm sending this blog out to all you guys out there. Girls, if you are in a relationship with a man and had kids already when you two got together, make him read this.....it's gonna be full of some good stuff. So you go out one night, for the first time in what feels like forever because finding a babysitter is hell, to have a good time with your friends. On this venture you meet what you believe is a charming and handsome prince, you guys have a couple of drinks and exchange numbers so that you can get together again. Over the next few weeks you go out to dinner, movies and all the other things that two people getting to know each other do. After about the third or fourth date the topic that most guys try to avoid comes up and you make it known to him that you have a child (or children). One of two things at this point will happen, the chicken shit man will in so many words say its been nice knowing you but he's not the biggest child advocate. Then he will be a coward and not even give the relationship a chance. The brave man will accept this twist in his reality and tell you he wants to be with you despite the fact that you have kids and will want to eventually meet them. The hard part is finding the right time for this man to meet your little ones. You're excited that he has accepted you and your life that way it was dealt to you, but you are also apprehensive because of the attachment your children will feel for this man over time should everything between you two work out. If things don't work out and a break-up ensues, these tiny humans have no understanding for what happened. Break-ups for children can be devastating, they don't understand why mommy and this man they have come to admire can't live together and get along. All I can say is, if you are going to have this man meet your children make sure that you both agree that you are going to give the relationship a good try. To all of the men that were made to read this same goes for you, if you really think that you can make it work with this amazing woman then by all means discuss with her a good time and place to meet her little ones. You have to ease into it and be prepared for these tiny people to hate you and/or be really shy.
Now to all of you boys out there, make sure and I mean absolutely certain that meeting your girlfriends children is really what you want to do. Once you meet them and they warm up to you, (guaranteed that it will probably only take a couple of minutes) they are going to begin to look up to you and learn things from you. They are going to see you as a role model, someone that they can ask questions, someone to play games with and possibly a best friend. They will always have their biological father but depending on the circumstances between their mother and father, you are looking at being a big part of their lives. You have the opportunity to teach them different things, helping them with their homework, playing games with them and helping them with their problems if they want you to. If you and their father get into any arguments, and its bound to happen especially if you move in with their mother, don't let it get out of hand in front of the kids. It might hurt your pride to take the high road and keep your mouth shut but its more important for them to see you acting like a mature adult and handling things with out screaming, yelling, or violence. This same golden rule applies when you get into an argument with their mother. (Applies to you too ladies!!!) They are bound to see the two of you fight but keep it to a dull uproar. They are great receptors for stress and can feel it sometimes before we do, seeing two people they love fight and say hurtful things to each other gives them doubts of their place in the world. They begin to think that its because of them why you guys are fighting. If you know an argument is coming, wait until they go to bed and keep the yelling to a minimum so that they don hear you. Its better for them and in turn, better for you.
So in closing, ladies if you have children and are considering letting your boyfriend meet them don't make the decision lightly. If he keeps pressuring you, tell him to back off and explain the nature of the situation to him. Sometimes boys need things spelled out for them. Guys, if you have a girlfriend with children, give her time and let her be sure that meeting her kids is a good decision for them. She doesn't love you any less but she has one or more other people to think about besides herself, she want to be sure shes making good choices for them. Last but not least, I realize that all of this can be reversed and the guy can have the kids and the girlfriend wants to meet his children. All the same rules apply!!! Patience and good choices for these tiny humans is what is ultimately important. With that said.....until next time..........
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