Friday, July 6, 2012

The Lingering Memory

     I know what you're thinking....the lingering memory of what?  I'm referring to the lingering memory or memories of the past relationships that you have had or events in your life (even the simple ones) and how they can come back to the forefront of your brain with no warning.  It might just take a song on the radio, a smell of a room, the way someone looks at you and soon you find yourself remembering that person that you may not have thought about for, sometimes,  years.  It doesn't matter if you are in the best relationship of your life, one little trigger will take you back to that person and time, leaving you wondering why you would even think of that now.  It happens to all of us.  You can sit and read this and think to yourself that it never happens to you, but just as you say that some memory of an old boyfriend/girlfriend or best friend will pop into your brain.  Did you ever notice how much time can go by when that happens?  You can seriously lose an hour of your life that you didn't know you lost until you snap out of the memory trance.
     This happens to me all the time.  A lot of the time its just a song that will trigger it.  Some of the memories are happy, some are sad, some I wish I could just plain forget.  (Those are usually the ones that involve my ex husband).  Don't get me wrong my ex and I had some fun times but when I look back on them all I realize that entire time we were together he decided that I wasn't enough and fucked anything that would let him near them.  The bitch of it all was that I knew half of the people that he cheated on me with and they all knew that he was married.  The bad part is that now I'm insecure about myself and most of the grievances I have towards my wonderful husband now are because of the stupid memories of my ex doing that same thing.  An example....My husband plays C.O.D on Xbox quite often, my ex constantly played Socom on PlayStation...the difference between them, while my ex totally ignored me while he was gaming no matter what I did, my husband makes sure he comes up to kiss me or hug me or even talk to me while he is playing because he knows what my ex used to do and promised me he wouldn't be the same way.  That doesn't keep the memory at bay but it helps.  A song on the radio or on my ipod will take me back to my first high school boyfriend and all the fun that we used to have.  I can honestly say I have no romantic feelings for him anymore but I can defiantly lose myself in some of those old memories of a simpler time.  I can walk into a store that sells candles or incense and I remember my trip that I took to India and the way the inside of the hotel smelled, rich with incense and curry, the best smell to wake up to in the morning.  The smell of coffee and bacon takes me back to my childhood and Sunday morning breakfast.  My dad always cooked breakfast for us and played Pat Methany, Robert Johnson, Simon and Garfunkel and whatever else he had in his record collection while he cooked.  A visit to my favorite place will bring back the painful memory of my first real crush and my first broken heart.  It really doesn't take a lot, if you really think about it, to trigger an old memory.  Like Clint Black said in one of his songs, " Ain't it funny how a melody can bring back a memory, Take you to another place in time, Completely change your state of mind."
     So in this short little post I will just say this....Indulge in those little moments.  It's those moments in time that you remember that you always learn from.  Good or bad there is a reason that those memories have the trigger that they do.  One word of good advice though, don't do it while you're driving if you can help it.  God forbid that the memory causes an accident or something else like that, anywhere else, daydream away!!
Until Next Time...........