You can ask just about any guy what they want in a girlfriend/wife and they will all tell you close to the same thing. They want a woman who is beautiful, intelligent, independent, strong family morals....blah, blah, blah....This is what they say, what the say to hook you in and make you fall for them but as soon as you're in a serious relationship the script flips. Now, I'm not saying that there aren't guys out there whom when they say that's what they want then that's what they mean ( I happen to be married to one of those very few), and if you are happy with your marriage/relationship then this doesn't apply. This is for all of those women (or men) out there who were drawn in by the smooth talk and then by a simple twist of fate are stuck in a relationship where their partner treats them like they aren't worth the Charmin Extra Soft they wipe their butt with.(bonus points if anyone can tell me what movie that line is from)
I only feel like I have license to discuss this because I was one of those women. I was young and stupid and I met a man (ok he really wasn't a man mentally but he did have a penis so I have to give him the benefit of the doubt) and I was promptly swept off of my feet by all the sweet talk and the words of "I love you for you." I followed him everywhere and at first I was having fun, but then the rumors started. I would hear left and right that he was cheating on me and I could never bring myself to believe it. I denied everything I heard and married him despite the fact that I had the proof that he cheated on me at least once, the one time he admitted to, and I foolishly thought that things would change after we got married. Six years of relationship, two of which were marriage, ended in divorce a month and a half after our second anniversary. I found out not to long after that he had cheated our entire relationship with a number of different women. I wasn't surprised and I am a stronger woman for the whole experience. The problem with our relationship (or to quote Dane Cook,"relation-shit") I never changed. I never changed the person I was. I was independent and did things on my own with or with out his "permission". That was always one thing he said he hated about me, my "Goddamn Independence". He always said he never felt like I needed him and that's what drove him to be unfaithful. I threw out the bullshit card.
Frist of all, I want to tell all my readers, don't let him/her change who you and what you are. If that other person can't love you for who you are and all the little quriks that go along with that then they aren't worth your time. The same goes for you, if you can't love that other person despite all of their little annoyances the it's not really love and it won't last. We can't love parts of a person, we have to love the person as a whole, for everything that are now and will be in the future. Secondly, alot of relationships have drama, but there's good drama and then there's bad drama. Good drama, your partner hates a specific habit you have like, oh let's say not pushing the chairs back up to the dinner table. (GUILTY!!! I never do it and it drives the hubby nuts!!!) Bad drama, ex-girlfriends/boyfriends or random people telling you they saw your significant other with another person doing things that should not be done. (cheating, stealing,...etc) If you have to deal with ALOT of the bad kind then despite the fact that they tell you nothing happened, it had to come from somewhere. If this happens, then I unfortunatly have to tell you that your best bet is to end it. Its gonna hurt because you love this person ( or at least think you do, once you find THE ONE you will realise that you really didn't)and you thought you could trust them. If you are reading this and you have to question anything about your own relationship then you are currently sitting in the same boat I was years ago. You can't change the other person and they shouldn't try to change you. I've said it before and I will say it again, if they can't love you for you and you can't love them for who they are then its time to call it quits. Its going to suck and its going to hurt but if you learn from it then it will make you a better stronger person. And number three, always learn from your experiences. If you have a rough couple of years with someone and you don't take anything from it, then I consider that a great loss. We can learn alot from destroyed relationships. (I realise that "destroyed" is a strong word but that's how a break-up feels right?) We can take all the mistakes that were made in a previous relationship and try not to make them in the current one. We can better ourselves, not change ourselves but better ourselves. You can take a lesson away from every relationship to make the next one better. I promise you that it works and long as you believe it will. You can come out of a broken relationship a stronger person as long as you realise what truely went wrong and learned something from it. I will admit that it is a very humbling experience but you will be all the better for it in the end.
So I will end this with this; don't ever be afraid to be youself. Bare your soul to the other person and if they can't appreciate it then they aren't worth the time and energy that you are willing to give them. Don't be afraid to fall in love and give it your all. I truely believe that there is one someone out there for everyone and its up to us to do the work and find that person. Someone who will love us for who we are and who we are going to be.
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