"Babe you're everything to m.....ooohhh look at the kitty."

     You can ask just about any guy what they want in a girlfriend/wife and they will all tell you close to the same thing.  They want a woman who is beautiful, intelligent, independent, strong family morals....blah, blah, blah....This is what they say, what the say to hook you in and make you fall for them but as soon as you're in a serious relationship the script flips.  Now, I'm not saying that there aren't guys out there whom when they say that's what they want then that's what they mean ( I happen to be married to one of those very few), and if you are happy with your marriage/relationship then this doesn't apply.  This is for all of those women (or men) out there who were drawn in by the smooth talk and then by a simple twist of fate are stuck in a relationship where their partner treats them like they aren't worth the Charmin Extra Soft they wipe their butt with.(bonus points if anyone can tell me what movie that line is from)
     I only feel like I have license to discuss this because I was one of those women.  I was young and stupid and I met a man (ok he really wasn't a man mentally but he did have a penis so I have to give him the benefit of the doubt) and I was promptly swept off of my feet by all the sweet talk and the words of "I love you for you."  I followed him everywhere and at first I was having fun, but then the rumors started.  I would hear left and right that he was cheating on me and I could never bring myself to believe it.  I denied everything I heard and married him despite the fact that I had the proof that he cheated on me at least once, the one time he admitted to, and I foolishly thought that things would change after we got married.  Six years of relationship, two of which were marriage, ended in divorce a month and a half after our second anniversary.  I found out not to long after that he had cheated our entire relationship with a number of different women.  I wasn't surprised and I am a stronger woman for the whole experience.  The problem with our relationship (or to quote Dane Cook,"relation-shit")  I never changed.  I never changed the person I was.  I was independent and did things on my own with or with out his "permission".  That was always one thing he said he hated about me, my "Goddamn Independence".  He always said he never felt like I needed him and that's what drove him to be unfaithful.  I threw out the bullshit card.
     Frist of all, I want to tell all my readers, don't let him/her change who you and what you are.  If that other person can't love you for who you are and all the little quriks that go along with that then they aren't worth your time.  The same goes for you, if you can't love that other person despite all of their little annoyances the it's not really love and it won't last.  We can't love parts of a person, we have to love the person as a whole, for everything that are now and will be in the future.  Secondly,  alot of relationships have drama, but there's good drama and then there's bad drama.  Good drama, your partner hates a specific habit you have like, oh let's say not pushing the chairs back up to the dinner table. (GUILTY!!!  I never do it and it drives the hubby nuts!!!)  Bad drama, ex-girlfriends/boyfriends or random people telling you they saw your significant other with another person doing things that should not be done. (cheating, stealing,...etc)  If you have to deal with ALOT of the bad kind then despite the fact that they tell you nothing happened, it had to come from somewhere.  If this happens, then I unfortunatly have to tell you that your best bet is to end it.  Its gonna hurt because you love this person ( or at least think you do, once you find THE ONE you will realise that you really didn't)and you thought you could trust them.  If you are reading this and you have to question anything about your own relationship then you are currently sitting in the same boat I was years ago.  You can't change the other person and they shouldn't try to change you.  I've said it before and I will say it again, if they can't love you for you and you can't love them for who they are then its time to call it quits.  Its going to suck and its going to hurt but if you learn from it then it will make you a better stronger person. And number three, always learn from your experiences.  If you have a rough couple of years with someone and you don't take anything from it, then I consider that a great loss.  We can learn alot from destroyed relationships. (I realise that "destroyed" is a strong word but that's how a break-up feels right?)  We can take all the mistakes that were made in a previous relationship and try not to make them in the current one.  We can better ourselves, not change ourselves but better ourselves.  You can take a lesson away from every relationship to make the next one better.  I promise you that it works and long as you believe it will.  You can come out of a broken relationship a stronger person as long as you realise what truely went wrong and learned something from it.  I will admit that it is a very humbling experience but you will be all the better for it in the end.
     So I will end this with this; don't ever be afraid to be youself. Bare your soul to the other person and if they can't appreciate it then they aren't worth the time and energy that you are willing to give them.  Don't be afraid to fall in love and give it your all.  I truely believe that there is one someone out there for everyone and its up to us to do the work and find that person.  Someone who will love us for who we are and who we are going to be.

Kimmy K. Should Have Read This First.....

     Marriage.....A big word for some and lately just something to do when you get bored.  This is what my first subject of this blog is going to be about.  I figured I would start out tame and once I get a decent following I would get a little more....well you know...that's when we're gonna get down and dirty.
     I have come to not so recently realise that most people think that getting married is going to be all champagne and bubbles( yes I am aiming that comment at a certain Kardashian) or that it's just what you do when you have been in a relationship for a few years.  First of all, not to burst the happiness bubble that everyone may or may not be in, but no marriage is perfect.  It's hard work and definately not easy, but my opinion is if you are willing to try and make it work, put the effort into it then you, as a couple will be okay.  Dont' get discouraged if while you were just dating your significant other, you guys didn't ever fight and now that you are married there's bickering, arguing and some days it feels like World War III.  I have found out this is what happens when you love that person but you have all the other stress factors of life weighing on your sholders.  Mortgages, kids, bills, in-laws, and work can all put a stress on a marriage but its those that are willing to work through it will make it for the long haul.  Some days it is World War III...(believe me, it has been at my house) and other days your relationship would make even the most die hard of Twilight lovers tell you to get a room.  Now, I'm going to give you the secret to a good marriage.....(dramatic pause for amazement) oooooohhh ahhhhhh....Communication.  Yay!!!  No that you all have it, use it.  Talking to your partner is the key.  Tell them how you feel, don't keep secrets and don't hold anything back.  Noew I know that you're thinking "But what if what I say hurts them or what if I don't want to hear wht they have to say?"  My answer to that is; Yes some of what you say may hurt and some of what is said to you may hurt but in the long run it makes for a better understanding of the person you decided to spend the rest of your life with.
     The second secret, which shouldn't  really be a secret at all,  is wait to get married.  I believe that you should spend at least a year LIVING together before you get married.  Not just a year together, but a year living together.  (I'm once again going to warn you all that these are my personal opinions and not something that is scientifically proven.  Just things that I have found out with my own experiences and others agree with me on.)  You don't ever really get to know a person until you lived with them for a while. I don't care if your partner is a neat freak now, once you get married you get to see what happens behind the scenes when you weren't around before.  The reason their place is so clean everytime they have you come over is because they have shoved everything in a closet or cupboard.  Trust me.  Once you marry them you get to really see the disaster that they are used to living in.  Clothes all over, dirty dishes....etc...Before you crinkle your nose at the thought remember that they will get to see all of your bad habits too.  Yes you have them because you do the same thing that they do when you come over for a visit. (Or booty call, whatever your preference.) Throw it all in a closet and hope the door closes.  Living with eachother before you get married (and yes I know it goes against most religious beliefs but thats a rule that needs to be thrown out.) gives you the time to either learn to comprimise with the other persons habits and if you don't want to do that then you can say you gave it the old college try but it just didn't work. It may be a harsh reality to call off a relationship because of habits but if you can't somehow find a way to comprimise and incorporate those habits into your life when you aren't married you sure as hell won't be able to do it when you do get married.  Small little annoyances can make or break a marriage.  It's all how you, as a couple, handle the situation.
     Now, another peice of advice before this already lengthy blog ends......if you are in a good relationship and are happy with the person you are with, don't just run out and get married because you think you have to.   Nothing says that marriage is a must.  Most will just say that getting married is a piece of paper, it's funny how that piece of paper can change everything.  The basic motto "if its ain't broke, don't fix it" is a great one to follow if you're already happy with things they way they are and don't want to change them.  In closing, your relationship is what you make of it, I just hope I was able to give a little insight to help make it a little better.
 

The Beginning

     So to those of you that know me, I am a huge fan of Sex And The City.  I would also like to think of my self as an aspiring writer.  (Though how good I am is left up to the reader of the writing.)  As I have watched season upon season of the show I have come to wish that our little local newspaper had a witty column about men, women, sex, dating, marriage and children.  Then I came to the realization that in my dinky little town in nowheresville Michigan that would probably never happen. ( sex seems to be a big taboo in small towns)  So I decided that if my town wasn't ready for it the internet would be because, hell, what can't you find on the internet these days?  So the idea of this blog was born. 
     I have been debating for a while now whether or not to actually see if I could do it and get a following but if I don't try I will never know right?  One good reason for the debate that has been plagueing my brain is there may be advice given in this blog if it really takes off and I didn't want to be responsible for someone taking my advice and then if things went badly blaming or (eek!!!) sueing me.  So I will lay the disclaimer down now.....I am not a licenced therapist or psychologist.  Any advice given is strictly for entertainment purposes and is not to be taken seriously.  I am not responsible for any advice taken literally or the outcomes thereof.  You, as the reader, can make your own decisions and therefore you are responsible for changes that you bring upon yourself in your own life.
     There, now that the legal jargon is laid down I am asking you,(hoping that there is someone reading this) to give me some topics of discussion.  Things that you would like to read about, or at least read what I have written about.  Once I get some ideas I will try to post a new blog once a week. Keep in mind I am not shy and will talk about anything that you would be interested in hearing about.  Get creative.  for those faint of heart, God only knows whatthe human mind can think of so be aware that we may be talking about things that make the normal human blush, maybe even cringe, so read at your own risk.  Until then Ideas Please!!!!  anything you want, no limits!!!  Until then my friends..............